When relationships get tough

Relationships are hard.

When we are in harmony and unified with one another, they are the “delight to our soul,” as mentioned earlier this month. But let’s be honest, they don’t always unfold that easily. 

We bring our own biases, past pains, and uniqueness into relationships, often causing a clash instead of connection.

Someone hurts us.

You read a tone into a word or text that was never there.

Pride hinders compassion.

The divide grows deeper, until it’s easier to avoid than to heal the pain.

Blaming someone else would be easier, and maybe they even deserve it. Yet, God didn’t say, “love others the way they deserve to be loved.” He commanded us to “love our neighbors as ourselves.” 

However, it’s myself that often gets in the way.

I don’t always want to be patient. I don’t always feel like being forgiving or gracious, especially when the offender fails to acknowledge fault.

I rarely enjoy receiving criticism from loved ones. I default to defensive tactics over admitting my mistakes and saying I’m sorry.

In these moments, everything within me fights against the desire for reconciliation. I want freedom from the brokenness, but I don’t always want to surrender to the process God may use to bring healing.

Please tell me I am not the only one. Have you ever felt this internal battle – a desire to be free from the brokenness, but hardened to the process of healing?

More and more God is teaching me that I can’t be responsible for the actions of others, but I can be intentional about my words and responses.

Humility is the key for unlocking the path to harmony.

True harmony only comes when I am willing to confront my flesh with the truth of the gospel and surrender my will at the foot of the cross. This act of humility opens my heart to allow God’s path to prevail.

While harmony in the relationship may be the goal, we can’t force humility into the heart of someone else. We can’t control whether they forgive, apologize, understand, or even desire reconciliation.

But we can surrender our own hearts.

And no matter how the other person responds, humility begins a process for harmony and healing within us, bringing the desires of our heart into submission to the Fruit of the Spirit.

When we surrender to God’s will over our own…

His peace prevails when our patience falls short.

His love overflows when ours is reluctant.

He fuels our ability to forgive or seek forgiveness, softening our hearts to the needs of someone else over our own.

Wrapping hard interactions within relationships with humility frees us from the battle of the flesh and reconciles us to God’s will and path forward.

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 

Colossians 3:12-13

Thoughts to Ponder:

• In what relationships are you choosing pride over humility?

• What steps toward reconciliation might God be asking you to take?